be·wil·der·ment

Ugh.

2012-02-12T16:40:00.001Z

I've gained weight and read one book. The Princess Bride is awesome, read it. Also watch the movie.

First monthly update

2012-02-01T10:31:00.001Z

I've just finished the Millennium Trilogy (which was extraordinary. I couldn't put them down at any point. Almost ruined my Kindle.) which makes 10 books in January and as of today I have lost 6 pounds. So I'm happily on track for both targets so far. I do want to try and lose weight slightly faster than I have been because the last pounds are always the hardest to lose. Having said that, I'm happy that I actually managed to lose any weight, because let's face it, I'm always saying I'm going to do shit. Happy 1212.

x

The Hunger Games

2012-01-23T22:23:00.002Z

I've just finished the Hunger Games trilogy, completely oblivious to the upcoming movie (which looks from the trailer like it could be alright. Lenny Kravitz? Hmm.), and I thought they were wonderful. I wish they'd been written for adults, I feel like they needed more time and length but otherwise, they were excellent. Unrelenting, fast paced and excellent. I'm not surprised they've taken off in the way they have. I hope one day they bring out the author's preferred version, there's probably another book worth of quality length in there. I'm doing well for speed currently, I might be able to slip a few longer books into the pile of potentials at this rate.

Reading is fun.

Lol!

2012-01-22T15:32:00.003Z

Right, so. I turns out I'm an utter idiot. How can I write a blog everyday about reading books? I'd basically have to read a book everyday or give you updates every quarter book. Maybe I'll just aim for an update a week.

Targets, plans and good intentions.

2012-01-18T22:07:00.000Z

Hello you!

I had considered abandoning blog altogether this year because, let's face it, I'm kind of a twat, but my husband and I have set ourselves a challenge whereby we do some writing for an hour each day so that we're both able to spend a bit of time being somewhat productive/brain exercisey and take a break from staring brainlessly at the whole of Prisoner Cell Block H. Yes, we seem to be doing that too. It's horrifying in its addictiveness. You might remember that sometime either last year or the year before that I decided that I was going to do a blog post everyday and then got all annoyed when I failed massively at it. This time I feel that I'll both have to blog because I'm doing a thing with my husband and that if I don't manage it literally every day (especially on Monday because that's the pub quiz. I'm that person now), then I'm not going to take it as hard, since I am now quite grown up and mature (shush). Also, somewhere in my mind there is a plan to take part in this year's NaNoWriMo and I feel reading a lot and writing regularly about what I read will set me in good stead to commit to a full month of targeted effort.

This year I have decided to meet a challenge posed by a man on Twitter @cdeagle, who plans to read 100 books this year. He has, I understand, planned out the books he is going to read but I'm nowhere near that organised. Instead I've just decided to try and read 100 books based on recommendations and availability. You'd think, it being the 18th of January, I'm already well behind but as always, I'm behind on my blogging.

I think my blog this year is going to be part 'here is what I have read, look at it! Look. At. It.' and partly a bit of a weight loss diary. There's not going to be any 'this is what I ate today, look at it! LOOK AT IT.' simply because I'm not a big fan of reading that sort of thing myself, but there may be a bit of ranting and raving and crying, because what's a diet without a healthy smattering of crazy? Since moving to Birmingham mid-2009, I have put on roughly 3 and a half stone (oh I am serious), and travelled steadily up the BMI scale to the bit where you can't really look at yourself as the person you think you're meant to be. I intend to lose it over the course of the year, aiming for 65 pounds in 12 months. Looking at it in numbers it seems like a lot, but I know that it's possible if I'm sensible and committed. I fully intend to be.

So, that's two targets. 100 books under my belt and 65 pounds...out from under my belt (I feel hilarious today) by 11.59pm on December 31st 2012.

Right, so, to the book reading. I'm going to try for a gentle running commentary over the course of the year about all the books I've read because I like reading and this actually sounds like it's going to be a lot of fun. Since I've been lax with the blogging, I've racked up a total of 7 books so far this year without comment, so here are the comments.

I have read Everfound (Neal Shusterman), The Giver, Gathering Blue, The Messenger (a trilogy by Lois Lowry), Perfect Match (Jodi Picoult, oh GOD), The Wedding (Nicholas Sparks, maaaaaah), and The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood) so far this year.

Everfound is the final book in the Skinjacker Trilogy, and it was fabulous. There's so much shoddy young adult fiction out there but this trilogy was the real deal, gripping, interesting, deep and magical.

The Giver trilogy was interesting. I heard about it because it won the Newbery award some year and sounded interesting because of it's dystopia for the young angle. I liked it, mostly, but parts of my brain shouted quite loudly at me that parts of it didn't make all the sense and seemed to happen because a point was being made. Hmm. Still not sure. I did read all three books and enjoyed the process of reading them but sometimes I found the style of writing jarring and as well as the plot. Hmm. I don't know. Whatever.

Perfect Match. Awful, awful book. God. So bad. Seriously. Oh my gosh.

The Wedding. I read it because The Notebook was awesome. Fuck you, it was awesome. The Wedding was NOT AWESOME. Awful awful book. Fucking swan. Fuck.

The Handmaid's Tale was a book that another class in my year read, while I read Silas Marner or some other book in my class which I hated because, really, if you're going to read a classic, you read it because you want to because otherwise it sucks. It sucked. Anyway, I remembered that The Handmaid's Tale looked really interesting and that I was jealous that I couldn't read it so I thought I'd do it for my new book reading project. It really was great. I often find that a first person narrative makes me feel mentally dizzy because it's genuinely weird riding around in someone's head for a whole book but this was excellent. Very meaningful.

Hmm, not sure about the talking about the books. I do plan on reading more books that aren't particularly serious or critically acclaimed just because they make good downtime when emotionally difficult books surround them. So there may be more Picoult, Sparks, and possibly even a Meyer in there at some point. I'll try and keep the explaining words short.

Also, wow, long blog, I'm sure they all won't be this long.

Love on your face! x

Merry Christmas Blogniverse!

2011-12-25T18:03:00.002Z

I hope it's being good to you.

x

So, I'm hopeless. But also, wedding pictures!

2011-12-06T22:15:00.001Z

Yeah...so I'm not so good with the laying things out and that. Also we got a puppy and her name is Molly. This is her face.

Samosa is still in the process of figuring her out, but likes/hates her an appropriate amount.

As always, I've missed a fuckton of life by being a lazy loser, I will catch up with you all. I hope there's a lot of good going on in your lives, and that if I forget to post before Christmas, that you have a good Christmas. But I won't forget to post before Christmas. Obviously.

x

I'm getting married tomorrow!

2011-06-30T22:28:00.002+01:00

Mah!

Good morning world!

2011-05-30T01:06:00.001+01:00

It's a bit nighttime but pfffft.

I've changed the title of the blog to make it a bit more accessible. I don't believe in selling out. Shut up.

Things I've done since the last post:

Lost a tiny bit of weight. Nothing to write home about but making a good leap in the right general direction. No real hope of losing as much as I wanted to before the wedding but feeling healthily philosophical about the whole thing.
Finished the first year (1/6) of my English Literature course (but only if I've passed the final assignment).
Officially moved into a house (moving is tiring and HURTS!) David and I will own in 29 years (though still officially renting the old piece of crap mouldy plaster falling off the walls floor caving in dead insect filled stupid stupid place for the next three weeks. Paying rent AND a mortgage for 3 months, not the fun you'd think it'd be.).
Hugged David and Samosa a lot. Picture for the you!

Isn't she? Any ideas of how to sneak her into the wedding without a. losing her b. her freaking out and killing everyone in sight? Before you say harness and lead I can only advise you to stop your spazzing. She's not even bound by the law, can you imagine what she does when you try and tie her to things?

I'm not yet looking forward to the wedding. I'm finding this interesting and wonder if anyone has any clever thoughts about it. I'm very excited about being married and excited about the honeymoon because we're going to the bottom bit of France where they have the lovely cheese (I have this on good authority) but the wedding is a source of some freaking out and also some wanting to just go to the registry office tomorrow and kick the whole thing in its stupid stressful face. I'm sure I'm just doing the thing where I flip out like a ninja for ages and ages and then pull it together 5 minutes before the show begins...right?

At this point I'm keeping David up so I'll wind it up but any thoughts/feelings/dire warnings would be great.

I hope you're all well and happy. As always, I'll try and blog more. As always, I probably won't. But I'll really really try.

Hugs around your heads!

x

Morning!

2011-03-04T07:21:00.001Z

Shush! I'm writing an essay. Goddddd.

(Please somebody bring me coffee. My eyes hurt.)

Edit: Procrastination is mental. I've checked my work email twice already and I'm not even working today. Absolutely mental.

Happy New Year!

2011-03-02T23:28:00.000Z

Yes, I do realise that it's March. What of it?

I'm supposed to be writing an essay, so I've decided to write a blog post instead. Officially I'm getting 'the juices flowing'. Suddenly the grossness of that phrase strikes me hard, in the face, and I vow never to use it again.

Hello there! How are you all?

As we speak I'm getting mighty sleepy after a lovely spaghetti bolognese dinner and ~~two~~ three too many cookies. Oh, also, vodka cranberry out of a can. I'm ever so classy. My wonderful fiance is halfway through a week's holiday and is playing Age of Empires and watching a documentary/program full of weird people about houses and how people live in/decorate/fill them. It's a good life. I enjoy it.

I am currently in the situation of having to lose almost 3 stone over the next 3 and a bit months as I am getting married on the 1st of July. Cookies are not the way forward. Help the meeeeee!

I'd like to be able to wear clothes that aren't made completely out of elastic by the end of this month. I plan to achieve this ridiculous pipe dream with a regimented program of little to no cheese, generally lots more vegetables and lots of swimming and walking. If anyone has any suggestions that have worked for them personally, I'm totally up for that. I've decided not to focus on the horrible feelings of repulsiveness and depression that I generally feel with weight gain and instead have decided to be positive and brave about the whole palaver. Also, I've just been given specially made insoles to try and fix my stupid feet so it's possible that I might actually one day be able to cope with some running. It's all very exciting.

Hugs on all your excited faces,

I'm making an assumption about the excited faces but I'm confident. And sleepy.

Love!

x

Just another manic monday.

2010-11-15T20:35:00.001Z

Susanna Hoffs was hot. Actually, I've just Gewgled her and she's still hot.

That was last month. She's 51. There should be an age at which it's just rude for a lady to be that hot.

This wasn't supposed to be about Susanna Hoffs at all.

I've forgotten what it was meant to be about. Oh god. I'm about to post it and everything. Oh god.

Hello!

2010-11-04T16:54:00.000Z

Been a while...

I'm sitting on my couch eating a Quornish pasty wrapped in kitchen paper (the pasty, not me) because all the plates are covered in bits of wall. The couch is over a hundred miles away from the couch I would have been sitting on during my last blog post, so as you can imagine, in the ridiculous amount of time I've spent not writing this blog, some things have changed.

There's really so much to tell that it's a little bit daunting, which isn't really helpful because coming back to a blog after seven months is daunting in itself. I am brave, so I shall perservere, with the will of some sort of donkey. I'll apologise in advance for the potential lack of chronology.

In May, I moved to Birmingham, which is about 100 miles from where I used to live in the north west of London. Probably more importantly, I moved in with my boyfriend, and away from my mother. My mother and I seem to like each other more now. I was going to leave my job in London but then my boss (who I hadn't at that time really realised was my boss) decided that I could do my job just as well from my couch, so now I work from home. It's got its positives and its negatives. The postive is that I don't have to commute anymore, and I get to work in my pyjamas, on my couch. The negative is that my job no longer gets taken seriously, despite the fact that it's exactly the same (and therefore just as soul destroying/difficult/mind numbing) as it was when I went into work everyday. Also, I appear to do a lot less exercise. That run up and down Clapham Junction and through Putney everyday did more for me than I realised...

Also, about 2 days after I moved in, we got a beautiful kitten called Samosa, who is just so awesome.

Loves of my life.

Samosaur!

Additionally, David and I are now engaged! I won't say much about the proposing but it was unbelievably sweet, and happened at a restaurant with a heavily cheese based menu. It was perfect. We're getting married at the beginning of July next year, and somehow we've already done loads and there's still loads to do in preparation for the wedding. Wedding stuff is expensive and stressful and has far too much to do with pleasing the family (read: MY MOTHER) for my liking, but hopefully we'll be able to make it enough our own that we'll look upon it as a good day. It's not going to be a big event, but I think it'll be special. Also, I really want Samosa there but I can't figure out how that'd work at all. Suggestions?

Wow, that really did deserve a post all to itself. Sorry.

In October I started a brand new degree with the Open University. I always wanted to do English at university. When I got to the age when university became a possibility, I was, for reasons ranging from lack of faith to terrible self-esteem, no longer in a position to do English. Instead, as some of you will know, I spent four years doing a three year degree in Economics, hating every minute as I went. I ended up barely passing, and now I have a degree which is...pretty much useless. Despite the fact that I only graduated last year, I've decided to throw myself into six years of part time higher education. Having started the course now (I have an assignment due tomorrow) I cannot begin to explain how much I love it. It's so enjoyable, and so interesting, and very differently from my Economics degree, I feel like I might actually get this.

Also, the day before yesterday, the shelf in our kitchen that held all the glass jars and bottles of spices, oils and vinegars decided to fall off the wall so our entire kitchen floor was covered in shards of spicy, acidic, super sharp glass. This house is so much crap. I realise that this bit of the post doesn't really fit in with the rest but I couldn't just let that incident go unreported. Anyway, now we've got some shelves (including the one that fell down) and cupboards put up so there's some more space in the kitchen (though it still can't really hold more than one person at a time), at the cost of an unbelieveable amount of dust all over everything, and a sink full of everything that lives in our kitchen, still covered in oil, vinegar and spices. The hoorays! When I finish work I must immediately fish the cheese grater out of the sink (the horror!) as I am making a lasagne (I am making a lasagne. I can barely cook a fried egg.) and apparently you can grate other stuff than cheese, including courgettes, which will be the base of my dish. I am half excited and half terrified. Also, half thinking, why on Earth did I decide to make something so elaborate when I have a whole assignment to write tonight? I am a fool. A fool.

David's sneaky camera work.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this I put on about 2 stone, that I now have to get rid of, along with some more, in time for the wedding. Apparently it involves moving very fast and eating less food, but also more food, but food of goodness. I don't understand at all. You should see my boobs. Seriously.

I really do apologise for saying I'd post more often and then not doing it. I'd say the same again if I thought you'd believe me, and if I thought I would be consistent enough to merit the sentiment, but I will try harder. If nothing else, I now have a new degree to procrastinate on, so that should help.

Love to anybody who reads this, I did miss you all.

x

Well...that obviously didn't work.

2010-03-31T20:54:00.001+01:00

Right, I'm taking action. Short, snappy, to the point posts. I am now 23, that means I'm supposed to be taking control of stuff (shush, I don't...shush!). I've just eaten a shepherd's pie with so much chilli in it that the top part of my mouth is slightly coming off and I MISS YOU ALL. This may be the way of my posts for the forseeable future, but goddammit, there WILL BE POSTS.

xx

With A Little Help From My Friends

2010-02-07T20:18:00.026Z

Hi, I'm Yav. My good friend Tara has enlisted my help to kick-start her blog because we're both suffering from varying degrees of writer's block and extreme procrastination. Hers, in fact, seems severe enough that I thought I'd even start this post for her. Tara, are you ready to come out now?

Boobs. No. Keep saying stuff. I'll jump in when I'm ready.

Right. Wait, I'm meant to be white. Why won't it let me be white?! Genetics. Type after this, innit. *technical difficulties* Right. So her block, as you may have noticed, is blog-based. I don't really have a blog anymore, but I am trying to write a book. This is because until September, I am one of Britain's x million unemployed (yeah, I'm too lazy to look up the figure. I'm also too lazy to be on unemployment benefit. You can see how I'd have motivational issues). *at this point Tara notes that she has a job and takes comfort in such things* But I NEED to write this book. 2 months ago, I got a job offer and was over the moon that I had 9 months to do whatever the hell I wanted. I now have 7 months, and I've done nothing. That's not true. You learnt some guitar. Like some sort of a ninja. Just saying. I may never have such time again. In fact, that's 'I will never have such time again.' Think about it. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. Well, they tell you never to work with children or animals...I'm not an animal! Anyway, yeah, procrastination. We both get sidetracked. A lot. We're writing this post in Google Wave, and it took us embarrassingly long to get over the fact that we could both write at the same time, see what the other person was saying as they were writing it, and even DELETE EACH OTHER'S WORDS! This final feature, inevitably, led to a 'word battle'.

But at least we are writing something. We had the idea of doing some kind of joint blog-related thing several months ago, but never got round to it, getting hung up on details like what it'd be about and how it'd work and stuff. It's possible that this post might be a trial run of some kind. Watch this space.

I'm totally cutting in now. Yav and I have, over the years, amassed a number of ideas for projects we absolutely HAD to write, draw or CREATE SOMEHOW and literally none of them has come into being. It's actually sad, together we're a little bit good. Ooh. He's writing something. Heeheehee, Google Wave is cool.

It really is! But yes, that is all very true. So many awesome ideas, and this post is the very first time something has actually come into existence. I choose to take it as a positive sign. Maybe 5 years from now we'll have some kind of comedy empire spanning the media of comics, television and the internet. We'll be like that Murdoch guy (Rupert? Rufus? Rubeus?), but not even a little bit evil. Yes! And like, much funnier. They'll laugh with us! Not against us! Although The Sun can be amusing *fondly remembers the 'Nazi raccoons invade Europe' headline*, and they're arguably even more boob-obsessed than Tara. Nice. At the very least, I'd hope we end up with an irregularly-updated webcomic.

So what next? To quote the Buffy musical, which I like to do whenever possible, Where Do We Go From Here? I'd really like to not go on fire, if that's ok. Thanks in advance. Tara. x Will this do a thing to change her? Am I leaving Dawn in danger? Is my slayer...aaaaargh look what you did. ANYWAY. How do we solve our problem? (don't say like Maria, Tara) (Why would I ever do that, Yav? You're the one with a thing for hot, funny Tom Cruise.) (I was briefly extremely confused by that reference. I'm sure all I said was that he was awesome in Dr Who.) (And also, hot.) THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. OK, so the getting sidetracked thing is probably not something we can change, and maybe it's not even something we'd want to. But how do we focus for at least some of the time? How do we figure out what we want to say? We might want to decide what it actually is we want to say before how to say it. Just...saying. Also, just so you, reader, know, Yav is currently adding more lines to his earlier quotage of the Buffy musical. I'm starting to seriously wonder about his mental health. I added one word! Uhuh.

Right, so, this being my blog and that, I really should attempt to steer this in some sort of direction. Yeah, I'm really being hopeless at the steering. Learn to drive, that's another thing on my 7-month to-do list. Wait, I go in the wrong direction all the time. Remember when we were on that asteroid? Gawd, don't remind me. Anyway, I digress. Surely not.

The aim of this post...what's the aim of this post? FFS. We both need to write. Like robots need tungsten to live. THEY FOUND ME IN A METEOR (WAHAHAHA. YAV, CONCENTRATE.) We need to write, and so we seek to entertain you with our joint ramblings, and in doing so, somehow put a bit of a spark into our general writery lives.

Indeed. If this works as format for a joint blog, if it's not TOO incoherent and impossible to read, maybe we'll do more. If not, maybe we'll try something else.

Indeed, more immediately, we're WRITING. So, let us continue with such things.
*minutes pass, pages rustle in the breeze. In the distance, owls can be heard hooting, trying, but failing to pass on their wisdom to young writer types*
Ooh look, a tumbleweed. Bitch, this ain't no Western. Oh. They're not just in Westerns though. They're in like, Looney Tunes cartoons. Which we are a little bit like.

...Ahem. I said, LET US CONTINUE WITH SUCH THINGS.

Done.

Skills. Well, that seems like quite enough to be getting on with (forgive me, I've been reading SO much Enid Blyton) so...

That's All Folks! Shit, we're like, illegal now....RUN!

I SAID RUN. xx

I'm all wrong in the head.

2010-01-16T18:47:00.001Z

I don't feel like writing. That's extended to, I don't feel like tweeting or emailing or talking and I suck. I really should have seen this coming when I did my whole 'yay, I'ma write a blog post everyday and it's going to be all magic and I'm a bear and bleurgh.'

I have received emails and DMs on Twitter asking me why I've stopped (thank you guys, I feel loved), so in an attempt to feel like less of a failure, and some sort of...person, I'm going to blog about my week, like a ninja. Like a ninja.

It's been an odd week. I only managed to turn up to work three times. On Tuesday I woke up feeling like death and delirium, which made me spell my boss's name wrong in an email to her and all sorts of hell grammar. Then, I spent ages craving Nando's. What is that? Also, halloumi. (Have never had it, hear good things, really like the word.)

Despite not really feeling recovered the next day I decided that I would not be taking two consecutive sick days and ventured into the suddenly white world to try and get to work. All would have been fine had a power line not decided to fall on top of the train I was on, causing flashes of the brightest white light (I sawed a aaangel.) and all the loud banging. Oh, also, the windows shattered and loads of ladies were screaming. The trauma. I swear, it was like Final Destination 3 up in there. My favourite part (?) was that all the kids who take my train to school decided almost as soon as the 'incident' began that they were not going to school. Anyway, everyone got kicked off the train and it was clear that I wasn't getting to work that day (Tis what the lawwwd intendededed.) so I got on a bus, being ten minutes from home, and took almost three hours to get there. In the words of the immortal 'Spyke', safe.

There was also a bunch of emothional (LISPY.) stuff that happened, which I'll write about later. I still feel weird. I don't understaaaaand. I hope this won't be a solitary blog post standing tall amongst the wreckage of many drafts but you never know.

Love on you all.

xx

Fail.

2010-01-06T23:24:00.000Z

Look at me entirely failing at my mission!

I haven't blogged in a few days and I've not really had anything to say so I'd thought I'd spare you the drivel. A lot of what I want to say is...well, I wonder very much if any of my family or real life friends read this blog and then I hate myself for wondering it. I'm going to have a think about it. And then I'm going to go, fuck it, and say everything, because this thing is mine and fuck them all.

Yes.

xx

I love my blog.

2010-01-03T23:45:00.000Z

David said...: WAIT! We were supposed to remind you to blog about how horny you are. I REMEMBER YOU TOLD US TO TO THIS!!!; January 03, 2010 8:09 PM

God, I love my blog.

xx

This was supposed to be a post of revelation!

2010-01-02T18:52:00.001Z

It really was, I've had a lot to think about to do with relationships and culture and being freaking Asian over the past week and I will, almost inevitably, blog about such things once I have reliable access to a computer (it takes a long time to arrange the words in a 'serious' blog post so that they make any semblence of sense). It's been a really nice, and hope filled beginning to the year and I'm excited to see how it goes. There have been things that have really worried me over the latter half of last year that have magically resolved themselves and that's been genuinely wonderful. (As I typed that last sentence my delete key stopped working. Fun times.)

I'll get a new adapter (adaptor? Adaptarrrrr?) next week, is the hope, so I'll be able to get back into the swing of this thing. It was really easy to write when I was doing it everyday and the minute I stopped it stopped in my head. Bah on technology and my dependence on it.

Hope the new year's going well for you! If I disappear you'll know why...

xx

Wank more, eat less pastry

2010-01-01T22:56:00.005Z

The world is so weird. Our traditions, so weird. These are all the things I've been doing wrong in my life. I need to now change my life because a New Year has been born.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? We'll give up, in if we're lucky and particularly wilful, a little over a month. And then we'll remember that we were supposed to be resolved and feel really shit about ourselves.

I went out yesterday to try and find a new adapter for my laptop (£125?! Fuck off Sony Centre. Amazon will do me generic for a little under £20. Win.) and while waiting for my mum to come pick me up and weeping a little bit, I overheard a lady talking to her dad on the phone about how she'd just popped into the gym to begin her 'new healthy life'. She was all excited because they were offering these special rates and wow, it's so cheap, I can't believe how cheap it is. I wanted to take the phone and tell her dad to talk some sense into her. She's going to go to the gym four times and then cry about paying for the whole year for ages. I KNOW THIS.

I wonder if you guys have made any resolutions, I'd really like to know what they are. One of my favourite twitterererers...said to me today that I should give up being unhappy. I really like that. So that's what I'm working on.

I hope you're all having a great start to the year. (ALSO. What do we call this decade? Help me.)

Abrupt ending ftw!

xx

P.S. Have just received a text telling me to blog about how horny I am. I'm done now, but remind me for next time.

Huh.

2009-12-31T21:30:00.000Z

So...this is how it ends. The end of the year, the end of the first decade of the new millennium.

I think we won! In the sense that we made it to the end and there's been no proper 'Game Over' screen or anything.

I don't want to do a long post, despite the entire lack of them over the past week. I feel it'd turn into a horrific listy rundown.

I just want to wish you all a brave, bright, and extraordinary year. We're all going to go through crap, and hopefully there'll be a lot of amazing also, to drown it. If you're anywhere near as lovely to each other as you are so regularly to me, I'll think we'll all be fine.

I'm currently drinking loads of bottled 'fruit' juice because it expires in December of 2009. Well, it's orange coloured and tastes of sugar and the colour orange. I think I'm dying. I've already had three bottles. My teeth are glowing. Best start to a new decade EVER.

I love you all so much, I genuinely do, and I couldn't possibly wish you more luck and love and happiness.

We're totally winning at this next year too.

xxxxxx

Oh NO!

2009-12-26T23:39:00.000Z

Right. My beautiful laptop David, is starting to show signs of impending demise. Which means that this blog might start to get a wee bit sporadic. This is obviously shit, with my, yay everyday blog post thing. Also because I'm really enjoying writing this blog. Not posting yesterday physically hurt my face.
Anyway, I really want to know how everybody's Christmas went, so tell me things! I myself, got drunk on mulled wine and fell asleep on the living room floor in the middle of Doctor Who. Jesus would have been so proud of me. I'll do a proper post about it when I've got a battery that's fully charged.
I hate this! Oh laptop, oh laptop, I love you. Please don't die. I gave you a name.

Happy holidays/lack of holidays/general days m'loves,

xx

Eeeeeee! Eeeeeeeee!

2009-12-24T21:40:00.000Z

Dude, it's almost Christmas. I've wrapped everything, even possibly stuff that wasn't supposed to be wrapped. I cannot find my cat. (I don't really have one. No aminals were harmed in the making of this blog.) I was up until 5am wrapping things. I woke up 5 hours later and went to a supermarket to buy prawns. There's seven boxes of prawns in my fridge right now! Seven! Prawns! Freaking Asian Christmas.

I'm so excited. Christmas turns me into even more of a child than I usually am. It's that one day where you're just not allowed to think about anything else other than the fact that it's Christmas, even if you're grownup and that means 'Oh shit, it's Christmas, the PRESSURES'.

My house is the hub of my mother's family's Christmas. The majority of the cousins will show up at some point for eats and presents. My family has its issues, just like any other, and possibly my favourite thing about Christmas is that a few years back I said to my mum, 'If anyone makes any fuss, if anyone starts a fight, I'm throwing them out. I'm not joking. Christmas is when we all get along. I'm not letting anyone ruin this day.' and somehow, possibly through some combination of psychic terror and magic, it's happened exactly that way.

This year, also, I've got some monies. My belief that my new job means that I can actually afford (I can't. The part of my mind that's not drunk on Christmas knows the truth.) the ridiculous amount of money I've spent on presents is making me properly happy. I've never really been able to buy things for people at Christmas before and I hate it and love it in equal measure. I have that need to buy really specific presents for people, and that's all well and good when it's their birthday but when it's Christmas and you're buying for more than one person it's hell. I wonder what they'll think of what I've got them.

Finally, but not at all lastly, I plan on eating at least twice my body weight tomorrow and it's the one day when the motherlord won't realise how much that actually is. I love.

Whatever you're doing, whether you celebrate the thing or not, whether or not it's a big deal to you, I hope you have a really amazing day tomorrow. Me, I'm hoping that it lives up to all the anticipation and preparation and freak outs. Believe that if you're a regular on this blog, or the last, or if I spend any time with you on Twitter, I'll be sending love and merriment in your direction. I'm not sure I'll be able to do a post tomorrow *gasp* but I will think of you.
Have a wonderful Christmas, and if I don't 'see' you tomorrow, I'll write on your face a little bit on Boxing Day.

Love on you.

xx

Wrap this shit.

2009-12-23T22:13:00.000Z

You don't understand. I'm so bad at this. I've wrapped so many towels, and they're supposed to look like towels, or at least just rectangles but instead they look like, cats, and bikes! My relatives are going to be so disappointed with their brand new future laundry. Also, I'm wearing 'leggings' and they should be called 'slippery things' because I am sliding across my living room like a donkey on a glacier. This won't be much of a blog post because I am freaking out. ALSO, my friend just said 'vagina' to me SO much while I was talking to my mum on the phone and then insinuated that my mum....never mind, I think I'm dying of mind crabs.
I feel ill.

xx

Sort it out, world!

2009-12-22T22:25:00.001Z

Surely I should have minions for just this sort of thing?!

I cannot find a Santa hat. I've been looking for over a week now. It's almost Christmas and I am without appropriate attire. I found one hat in one shop but it was fucking ugly. Santa would not approve. And, ok, I did find the slutty Mrs Santa outfit in La Senza but who would I slut for? And the bra's not included? Seriously, world! Sort yourself out!

Anyway, I've given up, and today's picture will show you what I've settled for. When I shake my head it sounds like Christmas! Yup...I deserve your lust. Leave. Leave now. It can only get worse.

Love on you.

xx

Conversations with unfamiliar friends.

2009-12-21T23:01:00.000Z

One of the weirdest things about my new job is that my route home has brought me into regular contact with an old acquaintance. He takes the same bus I do on the final leg of my journey (it's long enough to have legs. Yes.) and I've been really surprised by how well we get on.
Today we decided to walk home when the snow delayed our bus and laughed our way through what could have been a horribly depressing trek. I think the reason I've been so surprised is that he's not somebody I'd have pointed out as a potential friend. We're not friends, we do not really communicate other than on the bus, but I do like him. Also he said I should do stand up comedy. It's like people think I intend to be funny. Idiots...
It's kind of nice interacting regularly with a person who's actually my age but, I think I'm going to stick with grownups for my general relationships and entertainment. You're more interesting. You are.

I'm going to cut this post short. I seem to be bleeding from inside my face. Well, my nose, but that sounded more dramatic. Help me.

The Battle of Christmas Future

2009-12-20T15:47:00.031Z

I've bought two copies of Rage Against the Machine's 'Killing in the Name' in the past week. I already own the album it's on. Am I a moron? Possibly.

Since televised 'talent' competitions began on British television, the Christmas number one hasn't been a race, it's been a given. The winner of The X Factor will be number one. It's been this way for four years.

I'm not one to follow the pop charts, I've not done so since I was about 13, but the Christmas number one is something I can remember caring about since I was 5. I know this because I remember Whitney Houston being number 1 that year. I'm not sure how big a deal the Christmas number one is Stateside, but it's always been quite important here and has almost become more so over the past few years because the damn thing was so predictable and that made it a thing to get pissed off about every Christmas.

This year, we're fighting back. It was a given that the newest winner of the X Factor, Joe McElderry, with his cover of the Miley Cyrus song, 'The Climb' would be number one today but now, that might not be the case. Now, I think there are few people who've bought the RATM song because they dislike Joe. I actually watched bits of the X Factor and backed him for the win. But oh my god, let's be serious, if these songs were released by any of these people, without the publicity that the reality television show format gives them, they wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of even cracking the top 40.

What I love about this campaign is the heart. It's so 21st century guerilla, so modern, so trivial for non-trivial's sake. This wouldn't have worked without the ease of MP3 downloads, it only took word of mouth (and...finger, I guess) and the clicking of a couple of buttons to join the fight. This was actually, for me, the first time I'd ever bought an MP3 download, look at me, all futuristic! The point is that, even if Joe still gets the position, it wasn't a given. There was an actual race, there's actual anticipation right now. And people care, today, about who's going to win this thing. Even Rage Against The Machine care! And the best thing is that it's made so much money for Shelter, and whatever happens now, that can't change.

As far as I know, the winner will be announced just before 7. If this actually works, maybe it will break the spell that Simon Cowell's cast over Christmas. Oh man. He's like the White Witch and we're trying to bring back Christmas. Does that make Zach de la Rocha Santa Claus? Forgive me, I've gone into that weird headspace. I bounce with anticipation. Rage FTMFW!

Mission: Impossible

2009-12-19T21:56:00.000Z

Oh my God oh my God! Turns out, having a job around Christmas will cause you to really overestimate the amount of time you have to do all the tasks you've set yourself. I have, at last count...well, I lie, counting really isn't my strong suit, but it looks like a ridiculous number of wrapped presents. There are, however, far too many left to wrap, some left to buy, and a couple to make. Christmas is on FRIDAY. I think I might die of this...

The posts are definitely getting shorter as the big day approaches, but surely they will pick right up afterwards. Also, I've just discovered that there's some sort of post postponer function that I will most certainly have to play with, if only to enjoy the technology. Man, I'm futuristic. I really wanted to do a video blog for the actual day, but I've stomped on my webcam's face and broken it, so I die of this too. I hope you're all coping with the stress and the anticipation of this massive hoopla, I know it's been difficult for some and as little help as it is, I'm entirely here for internet cuddles and comedy, if you should need it.

Loooove,

xx

Conversations with familiar strangers.

2009-12-18T21:02:00.004Z

Weird thing, snow. This morning, I got to the train station as usual, trod gingerly over the hard packed ice and got to my platform only to find out that my train had been cancelled. Now, if that'd happened for any other reason, I'd have been a liiittle bit peeved. Today though, it was because of snow, and that made it ok. Also, it was ok because a friend who'll call you at a quarter to 8 while they're still half asleep because they know you got upset last night is a friend for life.

It didn't really snow at all today, and where I work they're either really good at salt and grit or snow just doesn't settle there. Lame. (I am getting to my point, promise.)

I was utterly convinced that my train home would be cancelled too, seeing as it's the same train that just goes back and forth all day. Overjoyed when it wasn't, and then mindblown when it began to snow, I started doing my 'It's snowing and everyone else looks so grumpy but I don't look grumpy, no sir, no I do not' dance (that is actually what the dance is called) on the platform. In reaction to this, a man who was 9 in 1963 (I'll explain later) who I see every day and have never said a word to, grinned at me, and started talking to me about the wonder of snow. How magic is that?!

Apparently in 1963, when said man was 9, there was actual snow, snow that came up to his chest and settled for 3 months, and made school go the hell away for four whole weeks. Dude, in my time, proper snow is snow that'll fuck with the trains a little, stop the cars in the streets, and will occasionally snow you into a building, with teachers, just to teach you that coursework is to be done at home, and not three months behind schedule, after school.

In his day, snow was snow that grown men had to dig channels in so you could leave your house! He said when you saw people walking in these channels it made them look like they didn't have any legs and were just floating, which I loved.

It's so GOOD that something as random as beautiful precipitation can happen and shift your world a little. I literally see that man every weekday, I always thought he seemed grumpy and intimidating, but the smile on his face when he saw my reaction to the snow was entirely gorgeous. I think there's a little lesson there about something. Weather is cool? Don't count your trains before they've hatched? Something something. I leave you with your thoughts to go fail at my Christmas mission some more.

Cuddles on you =)
xx

With a ho ho ho and a, mother of fuck, is that the date?!

2009-12-17T21:16:00.000Z

I really have to keep it short today. Christmas is in exactly one week and I've not even got a Santa hat yet. I'm supposed to be wrapping gifts right now but the motherlord just yelled at me and I don't feel like it. So, I'm making tags for when I finally do. Also, I've got ten ridiculously elaborate Christmas cards to make and a couple of gifts. Got to be honest, I'm not sure I've planned my time out too well. Oh, also, I've only bought two presents. The motherlord's and a cousin's. I'm ASIAN. There's a million freaking cousins! Dude, I'm so screwed.

So, I leave you to wonder if I'll complete any of my mission in any amount of time. The mystery and suspensefulness must be eating at you.

Till tomorrow, my friends!

xx

Sick Day

2009-12-16T20:33:00.001Z

I'll keep this one relatively short since I'm all feverish and it'll probably be a whole other brand of nonsense than my regular patented brand of semi-controlled nonsense. I've taken my first official sick day ever in my life today, and I actually felt really horrible about it. For a little while. About an hour later I couldn't breathe so I figured it was best that it happened in bed instead of on a train or in the office.

For my first official sick day it went pretty well. Woke up at 6.30 as usual, convinced that I'd be fine to go to work. Was overruled by the motherlord who came out with 'You're going to kill your whole office'. Melodrama. This is where I get it from.

Anyway, it SNOWED! Spent most of the day completely horizontal watching beauty on my laptop screen and beauty out the window. Sometimes the world just hands you one, and it's glorious. I think it'll probably turn to slush tomorrow but fuck it, we got snow in December. It's monumental.

Waiting for the fever to die down, but I'm almost certainly going to work tomorrow. Unless, it snows enough to take out the transport network...hmm...

This is the 7th blog post, that's one every day for a week (it feels like longer, it really does.). I'm pleased, and confident that it'll continue. This has been just, a mental week. I've been completely broken hearted and entirely made up, all in this tiny period of time. Which makes me wonder if I'll have anything to say tomorrow. I hope I don't just start rambling about nothing, I'd hate to become that person, so you're completely allowed to tell me I should fuck off till I come up with fresh material if you ever feel it.

I'm so grateful to you guys for all the love and encouragement you've shown me with this new blog, and generally...in my life. Just over this past week I've been almost overwhelmed by the messages of utter, honest kindness, so many of them! You didn't need to do any of it. I'm so glad you did. See, I've got this thing in my head that makes me doubt the world sometimes and knowing you lot are in it, makes doing that a whole lot harder. I don't think I could have been luckier with this Internet lark than I have been and that's all down to you.

I said it'd be short. How I liiiie.

You own the fucking world.

xx

James Hance - Best person ever.

2009-12-15T23:44:00.002Z

I don't think I've ever been this happy. Ever. In my life. And I feel quite ill so it's a bit of a feat.

I'm finding this to be a really hard post to write. I can't quite find the words to say what I want to say. Today my best friend drew me a picture for my Christmas present and it's my favourite thing in the world.

'James', for that is his proper real name, is quite literally one of my favourite people, he is (alongside my little brother) my best friend, and I've only known of his existence for about 9 months. Also, I met him on fucking Twitter. Trust me, right?

Jimmy's going to read this, so I should be somewhat restrained and unembarrassing, him being technically a grownup and all, but he's the best person I know. He's also the most talented, and the reason I'm so happy today, is that he drew the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, (I'm fairly convinced it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Fairly only because I haven't actually seen everything. Science.) and it's my freaking Christmas present! I'm not fickle enough that a present would make the best day of my life. This thing means so much to me, and I'm not even sure I completely understand why. I got back from work today to find a message from Jim waiting for me with the link to the picture in it, and I literally started to weep, like an idiot, when the page opened. There's so much of our friendship in it and seeing as Jim's usually properly far away, I feel like I've got a little bit of his heart (think for a second, just how gross that is.) with me now (well, when I actually have it.).

It's weird that I'm so attached to Jim. But there's backstory there. When we 'met', I was struggling so much with my life. Just struggling. And I'm weeping again. I remember it really clearly, because my memory is amazing and also because the day before we met, I had decided that I certainly could not go on. Read into that what you will. In 2007, a good friend of mine died, one who was far more talented, compassionate, and generally good for the world than I believed myself to be earlier this year, and he died aged 21, of the C word, and it occurred to me that I didn't deserve more time than he'd had. I guess I sort of told you what to read into the first thing. Dammit.

It wasn't a particularly bad day. I was doing some sort of an assignment. It wasn't going well. They never went well. But it was one of those days that was just, blank, and soul sucking and emotionless. It just struck me that 'a week tomorrow, you're going to be 22. 22. Shit.' I probably didn't realise how much of an effect the weird bits of my brain were having, but it was just, really cold, and clear. Everything felt, wrong.

Me, being solidly logical, all the way, thought 'Give it one week. One week. If it's like this, fine, if it's better, then..well...'.

And it was a really good week. Some lucky somehow I stumbled upon Jim grumbling, hilariously about his loud housemate on Twitter. Having a similarly annoying person living in my house, we got into an amazingly funny dialogue and became friends really quickly, both of us realising that there was potential for things to be written and created with our combined brain power. Point being, he kept me alive. And he didn't even know it. Still doesn't know it! The idiot...

Anyway, over the past nine months, he's become one of the most important people in my life and now he's done this unbelievably gorgeous thing for me and I can't believe I've been lucky enough to become friends with such an incredible person.

Jimmy, it's perfect, you're the best person ever and I love you. Thank you =)
xx

"You suck. Everything sucks."..."Fuck you, man. Your grandma sucks."

2009-12-14T21:22:00.000Z

Oh man, I'm entirely not going to live up to this title.

Last night I was chatting with a wonderful new friend of mine while recovering from my 'bad phase'. We got onto the topic of this blog, and I mentioned how it'd probably be more difficult to write this post, because I wanted it to be positive, after the sullenness of the first few, and for some odd reason, it is always more difficult to write positively than it is to write about sad things.

We came to the conclusion that, we've got a culture, built on complaining. And that's awful. I consider myself, when I'm not being attacked by my own brain, to be quite a positive person, despite how it may come across, what with my well thought out sarcasm, excellent use of swear words and biting wit (heee.). I'm literally, always excited, about everything, to the point that just thinking about things is exhausting and it suddenly occurred to me yesterday that that's not generally the case. Damn, I'm speedy of thought. Even so, I wonder why that is.

The way I see it, everything is genuinely, properly amazing. Even though every day doesn't live up to it's potential (most of them don't. At all.) you never freaking know when you're going to see a duck that thinks it's really tough get chased down by a bunch of littler ducks. You never know.

About two days after watching 'It', I saw an actual fucking clown walking down the street near where I work. Just fucking walking down the street. Like he thought he was people. I thought I'd either throw up right there in the street or just stop existing. Now, though terrifying, that was mental. I did not see it coming even a little bit and it made my brain go on fire (I want to be a writer when I grow up.).

A couple of weeks ago, I met freaking SANTA. SANTA. Totally randomly! I skipped lunch and talked to him for 45 minutes about things not limited to my friends, my hopes and dreams, his hat and buttons and a dead pigeon that almost got pissed on. How can you not be excited about a world in which this sort of thing can happen?! How?! Santa said I made his Christmas =$ Just thought you should know. You know, when you're opening your presents and all. Mmmmmhm.

I should start having a 'Thought of the day' section or something. The world is so cool. So cool. And the exciting parts just get buried in the drudgery of our lives. It's so sad! I feel like we're missing out, that we're so busy trying to survive the world that we don't really see it. All the the wonder and the terror. I don't know what to do with that.

xx

(Totally wasn't talking about your grandma, by the way.)

The Internet is God. Discuss. (or, One Of The Many Reasons Why I Love You.)

2009-12-13T16:57:00.001Z

I remember not having access to the Internet. I remember only being able to use it at school and actually thinking, ahh, it ain't all that. Except when I was finding pictures of dinosaurs because that shit will always be all of that. At some point I didn't go online for about two years. I remember the first time I signed into MSN Messenger after that period, my entire contact list barraged me with slight variations of 'OMG, YOU'RE ONLINE.' I have got some verbose friends.

Now though, 5 or 6 years later, the Internet in general, is the method of communication I use the most, by far, and the first place I go when I'm in need of human contact.

I've got two warring lines of thought about that.

One is, what the fuck, girl? Go out, talk to people, learn body language, have hugs and...other stuff. Be human. Jesus...

The other is, I have literally not met so many genuinely amazing people in my whole life, as I have this year, just online. And if I'm honest, this is the line of thought that's winning.

I'm not saying the thing's perfect. Far from that, it's so much easier to pretend to be something you're not online, which can be dangerous, let alone annoying and heartbreaking, and sure, it can be impersonal and you can turn into a recluse blah blah something something.

That's not my experience, though (mostly.). I think, like anything else, you get out of blogging, or Twitter, or whatever other thing you use, what you put into it. I didn't want to mention Facebook there, because I'm trying not to count places where your real life is particularly important. Also, Facebook sucks.

I feel like an utterly corny, mental idiot saying this, but there are people I've met on the Internet who have grown to be some of the most important people in my life. Some of them have kept me going when I was so fucking close to giving up (in the big way, a couple of times, but shush.) and whenever my brain shouts at me (it does that), they've supported me and listened to me and made me feel important and cared about me when everyone in my real life was for one reason or another, inaccessible.

The night before last I spent almost an hour on the phone, crying to someone I've never met about how I'm losing my mind and my friends, and this person, this amazing person, actually listened. For literally no reason. He told me stuff he did not need to tell me about his life, showed me that I was not the only mental in the village and made me feel like there was hope.

And then yesterday afternoon, when I could see myself sinking into a numb, unfeeling state of mind, a beautiful lady who I have actually met, but started my friendship with on Twitter, convinced me that I wasn't a twat for feeling what I was feeling and that really helped me.

Furthermore, last night, a wise, wise man read my last blog post and again, made me feel like I was not being a shit, and told me some home truths that I really needed to 'hear'.

And that was all one day.

Now, none of this is making me look good. I probably shouldn't need this much support. But it's been a bit of a rough time and nobody knows about it. I'm not pinning any of the blame on the people in my real life, I'm the one who's not opened up, but for some reason a bunch of people with no stake in my life have stepped up to the plate and looked after me. I'm sure there's a way to look at this cynically, but having been on the supporting end of things a lot, I'll be honest, I really can't see it.

What was my point? Oh, yes. The Internet is fuck off cool. And I feel better =)

Thank you, you're all amazing.

xx

Boy Trouble

2009-12-12T23:36:00.000Z

I've started this blog post like, 40 times. At one point it was about bears.

I've been having 'boy trouble', for lack of a better phrase, over the past few months. And it's not how you'd think. I don't generally get on very well with girls. I never have. I've got a few friends who are girls, four good ones from university and a couple who I've met on the internet. But generally, I avoid it. There's too much drama, and bitching, and negativity and I'm not that person.

Turns out though, that when most of your friends are boys, and you get to my age, said boys...turn into twats. Now don't get me wrong, I love men. But men my age, dudes, you got to go. You have broken my heart and face and I am getting to the point, and I am not violent, where I want to start breaking faces, with hammers, big hammers, hammers I can't lift so well, but when I do, ooooh, the damage. You see?

I've not explained anything at all. My problem, over the past couple of months, has been that people have said to me that they want one thing, friendship, and actually want...tits. That's unfair, I know, but I hate that I'm losing 'friends' this way.

A couple of nights ago, I said a really, really pathetic thing to one of my absolute best friends (if you read this, I am so sorry.) because with all these idiots abandoning me, I've started really doubting the stability of all my friendships. I literally said 'don't leave me', like an utter twat. I know that my various mental instabilities are contributing to this, but Jesus, I did not see myself turning into this person! What a loooooser.

I hate being single. Totally asking Santa to bring me LOVE for Christmas. He got the little girl from Miracle on 34th Street a baby brother and a dad. Surely, it's not too much to ask? I entirely think I'm right about this. I'm sure you agree.

One day I'll grow up and stop whining but today is quite obviously not that day. Ugh.
xxx

Christmas Lunch

2009-12-11T23:35:00.001Z

On a train again, this time though it's a couple of minutes before 8am and I feel distinctly nauseous. It's my office Christmas lunch today and I am scared. I don't know what to think of that, this is actually sort of frightening, right? I'm not freaking out for no reason like a tiny, elven window cleaner watching big birds fly right at his face or anything, am I? Although, I guess, the elf does have reason to worry. I'm a fool. Respect the elves, my friends. That happened to me yesterday, actually, weird shit. (Focus, you FUCK.)

Also, I've had to put on makeup. I wake up at 6.30 and zombie till I leave at 7.20. I don't wear makeup. I've got mascara wand eye (that's when you stab your eye with a hairy mascara loaded brush and can't stop crying for aaaaages. Know your audience.). I haven't put on foundation since like, 2007. I'm currently wearing 2 fucking year old foundation. I bet it's the wrong colour for my face. Oh god, oh god. Damn right, I'm attractive. Also, in an attempt to not dress like a hobo, I'm wearing a shirt with lace on it. In some parts it's just lace. I'm freezing my tits off. Literally, cannot feel my nipples. Heeheehee. I said nipples. Shit. What was I...

Right. I'm scared because: I've never been employed at Christmas before. I've never done a Christmas work thing before. I've never done a Christmas work thing with this company before. I'm not going to have anyone to sit with. Mostly I'm scared that I'll act like an awkward, no eye contact, freaked the hell out, talking about dinosaurs like a mental idiot.

My job usually consists of cleaning a database day after day. Now, it doesn't sound like fun, and it's not, specifically fun at all. What it is though, is a great way to make a bit of money while zoning out to music, audiobooks, or the eternal fuckery that is my mind. Every now and then I make a noise or laugh at a joke. This is how they know I'm there. None of this requires me to make long conversation, so when I do have to do such things, I'm luckily, able to employ all the tricks I've learnt to get through such situations with minimal fuss and terror. This is an actual meal. There's going to be talking and joking and laughter. Conversations. I say it again, I am scared.

Since I'll be typing this out after (how creepy is this?!) the lunch you'll get to hear how it went in this same post. How lucky do you feel? The bit post this bit is post lunch. See how I did that? Never do such things. You're still good.

It wasn't bad! The food was aaawesome. Although I did get a little bit of sauce in my hair and was one of the only two people at my table who had to ask for a fork (Chinese food.). Mostly I just listened to nostalgia and nodded, laughed a little bit. I also made a few choice arm waves and hand gestures and they seemed to go down ok. It was frightening, and I wasn't comfortable but it was possible and despite still being in the sad funk that clouded my yesterday, I got through it. And as ridiculous as that sounds, it was a really big deal to me. I'm totally getting away with it!

Added bonus, got to leave work right after lunch and that was fabulous, despite somehow really confusing myself on the Tube home and somehow ending up in South Harrow. Twice. And I call myself a Londoner...This is why you don't spend time worrying about your life and mind while figuring out your route home. Don't ever say I don't teach you things.

Wow, I seem to have done it. My second post in two days. I'm home all by myself tomorrow night, I plan on putting up the Christmas tree so I'll probably tell you why it's not already up and all ridiculous things tomorrow. Actually, I'll forget I've said this and I won't talk about such things at all. Most likely, fairies and ninjas. You know how we do. Ah, I'm not street.

There's no good way to end this post. Shit. Tea, anyone?

xx

Prelude

2009-12-10T20:37:00.000Z

Dude, new blog!

I should probably begin by apologising for the title. I'd like to say it's not my fault (not really. I'm actually, secretly, quite proud.) but you should know that by having this title, I'm keeping a vast network of mental people from chewing on their restraints.

I'm sitting on my train right now (well, not right now, I'm currently typing this out. Pay attention. Jesus...) returning from work. Oh, I have a job, did I say? I'm employed, and they actually seem to believe that I'm a proper human being most of the time. I'm totally a bear in a ninja suit right now. I was...right, anyway, I've just taken out my sketchbook on a whim and have started writing in the back of it, real tiny like (in case of spies). I wonder if this'll become a habit.

I'm not happy right now. I'm quite annoyed at that. I meant to start this fresh, new, pretty thing in a good mood, I was almost insistent that this blog would contain less melodrama and hurt than the old one had begun to near the end. Turns out though, escape doesn't come in a package with a new name and layout. Probably should have seen that coming. How do you like the colours, by the way? They've been an absolute nightmare to pick out and I'm still not impressed. Meh, I'm probably just missing my emo colours. Do feel free to suggest things. This is a team effort, I'm not taking full responsibility for anything with the word 'vagina' written on its face. Where was I? (Focus.) Ah, yes. I'm sad. Don't worry. I promise to be completely myself and we know how much we like me (confidence.). It might even be funny!

For those of you who are new to me as a blogger, hi! I feel the need to warn you of things. When I do this I tend to give it my whole heart, so it's sometimes quite gross. I swear a lot, I think like a 6 year old boy, I ramble and you could build a number of extremely rickety things with my tangents. I'm more honest than maybe I should be and my words don't seem to form sentences in the way that people who know English do. Oh, also, I'm not God fearing and my mum annoys me. And she is God fearing. Although that only really happened after I realised I wasn't. Yeah. That was all...words. Really you're just witnessing someone puking their life up on the internet. Why are you HERE? Oh God, oh God. Anyway, if you can get into all or any of that, hello, there! Pull up a chair. Someone was supposed to be bringing biscuits. Where are the...never mind. (for those of you who need a backstory, the old blog still lives here)

If you're not new to me as a blogger, thank you. You know how I feel already. I'm home =)